Inspiration

I was once again inspired and on fire from the beautiful collection of stories from Brazil compiled by Mev Puleo entitled The Struggle Is One. Gathering with many who have also been touched by this book, the spirit of Mev and those she interviewed was alive and flowing through the conversations and questions posed. To begin the conversation, we were invited to think about three things: pretext, context, and the text itself. My own pretext for joining in the gathering and discussion this evening was that I love this book, the people and stories it contains, and wanted a chance to share a bit of the impact it has had on my life since I read it almost 6 years ago. In short, this book helped change the course of my life. I read it at a time that I was already seriously questioning the religion and institution that I had been raised in, and in a context of being in a foreign country experiencing challenging questions and realities on a daily basis. I believe that God brought this book into my life to inspire me and give me hope. Through the reality I lived in El Salvador and the stories of liberation theology at work that I read in the book, I was introduced to a new face of the Church and God at work in the world. This was a Church and faith that made a preferential option for the poor, that lived solidarity with one's neighbors, that was awake to the reality that we belong to one another and the struggle is one. This was a Church and faith that spoke to me and challenged me to learn more, to be more. I returned to SLU to switch my major to theology to study more about liberation theology, feminist theology, and other theologies inspired by the people in a ground up not top down flow.

In reflecting on context, I conversed with some friends about imagination and creativity. Our context today is not the same as it was 20 years. While some struggles and systems remain the same, we cannot limit ourselves by what has been done in the past, but rather constantly reevaluate our current reality and context to come up with new, innovative, and pertinent solutions. Re-evaluation Counseling theory teaches that the mark of human intelligence is being able to come up with a completely new and fresh response to each new situation. So given all that, what do these stories have to teach us today? Is a book written about the reality of life in Brazil 20+ years ago still relevant today? Is this spirit and practice of liberation theology still pertinent and at work today? I think it is, now more than ever. I see the work being done by those who were inspired maybe 40 years ago and are still in the struggle. I see a generation of young people connected to the world in ways previously unimagined, and inspired to work for change through these connections. The reality has changed, but we still belong to one another. The faces of those in power, those who abuse their power, or do anything to maintain it, might have changed, but there is still truth to be spoken. And it quite frankly still needs to come from those on the bottom, those at the base, whose struggle is a daily struggle to survive, to find and create beauty and order, to maintain their hope and exercise their joy. We need to first listen to one another's stories, and then share them with others. That was a beautiful part of the gathering this evening and many such similar gathering on Sunday evenings: the sharing of stories to inspire one to discover and share their own story.

And we are constantly writing our own stories. We have the power of text. The words we choose to use, the conversations we seek out or don't shy away from, the questions we ask. Text can inspire, can move someone to action, can reawaken one's own imagination. What is the story that I am telling? What will others glean from my text? If I returned to Brazil and interviewed these same people, I am sure their stories have changed. It would be a completely different book. And that's beautiful. Our stories do change. From one chapter to the next, the text can take us in all different directions when new characters and situations are introduced. Whether something worked or didn't in the past isn't the question to ask. We need to look at our current context to determine what new ideas we might be able to dream up.

The stories in this book and many other stories I have been blessed to hear and share throughout the years, do give me hope in a people inspired by faith to live justice, to shake things up, and do things differently. Do I think liberation theologies have changed and will continue to change? Absolutely. Because inherent in the theory and practice is that it comes from one's lived reality, which is also going to continue changing. But do I think it is still relevant? Absolutely. We need to step out of our comfort zones, to come face to face with those whose reality may differ from mine. I believe people of faith are looking for inspiration and community, and not finding it within an institution of exclusion that claims exclusive access to God's truth and teachings. There is a phrase that I can't remember where it comes from, but to be “evangelized by the poor.” To be reminded that we still have work to do. Our faith and religion should challenge us to learn more, to be more. And we need to be open to that challenge and inspiration coming from the people on the street, rather than the pulpit.

Before El Slavador

My writing class professor asked if I ever write about El Salvador.  And I don't.  So I did.

One week can change your life.  My life was forever changed in one week's time.  And then imagine what the four months did....

Before El Salvador...
Before El Salvador, I had never left the country.
... I had a very limited and one-sided world view.
... I thought one of the most pressing moral and ethical issues of our day was abortion.
... I had never seriously thought about what it means to be a woman in the world.
... I had never seen a woman priest; I never thought women could be priests.
... I had never heard about liberation theology; I had never read The Struggle Is One
... I didn't know how to Be Peace, and see the interconnectedness of all life
... I didn't know if my Spanish was any good, if I could really communicate in another language.
... I had never met Isabel, the bravest woman I know.
... I had never heard first hand accounts of what it's like to fight a war, live through a war, on your own soil, in your own neighborhood.
... I thought I knew what it meant to love.  I was wrong.
... I had never tasted a delicious pupusa
... I never heard of refugee camps from the personal account of a woman who lived in one, gave birth in one.
... I never understood the profound courage of a woman standing up for herself and her family in a machista society where she could have been killed.
... I didn't know how to make tortillas; although my sad attempt today cannot live up to my Salvadoran sisters and mothers
... I had a feeling there was something more out there.  After El Salvador I knew there was.
... I had never stood on sacred ground where others had sacrificed their lives for their beliefs in something good, a better ways of being together and loving one another.
... I had never had to contemplate the profound horror of hundreds of innocent children slaughtered in a single place and a mother listening to the cries and pleas of her own children as it happened.
... I undervalued the power of women when we get together and share our stories
... I didn't know Oti, Lolo, Elizabeth, Karen, Oscar, and so many others...
... I only thought I knew what a broken heart was
... the world made some sense
... I thought I was old for my age
... I thought I knew a lot and was well informed
... I loved buying shoes and had a closet full of them
... I had rarely, if ever, shown my own brokenness, fear, sadness
... I was a different person

My host family in Ellacuria, El Salvador with Isabel, the bravest woman I know (Spring 2006)

Casa Spring 2007

Cultivating peace in prison

Sorry it's been a couple weeks. Time really seems to fly by here and I've been keeping a pretty busy schedule. I did want to let you all know though that I was finally able to start going to the prison out in Cambio Puente, about a 20 min. ride outside of Chimbote. I'm really excited about my ministry there and learning more about the prison system while accompanying the prisoners.

My first visit was two weeks ago when I accompanied Jane, one of the other IWMs whose been doing prison work through the Comision de Justicia Social (Social Justice Commission) for the past year, and Silivia who runs the prison ministry program through CJS. Silivia has been working for a long time on trying to get us permision to get back in because the administration has changed 3 different times in the past year and it's been difficult to work through all the paperwork and redtape. But, finally we at least got approval for the rest of the year (three months) and so have been able to start going on a regular basis. My initial thought was it is very open. Maybe because of the good weather, or this is just how the prisons are down here, but there are few roofs except for where the prisoner's rooms are and all the places I've seen have open courtyards to hang out as well. So far at least to me, the gaurds have been respectful and even the inmates who have a bit more freedom to wander around have been pretty friendly. This is not at all to say that life there is easy or has any kind of luxury. Just being present in the enviornment I could feel the tension and stress surrounding me. Talking with Silivia it seems that the women have a harder time than the men with being in prison and separated from their families.

So, given the very difficult reality and life of the prisoners, I am super excited to be leading meditation two days a week there! I started with just the women and was going to go on Tuesday afternoons, but then the psychologist at the prison said he would like to do meditation with the men to so I was happy to extend the practices to anyone interested. On Monday afternoons now I lead meditation and relaxation with the men, and on Tuesdays with the women. I love introducing new practices and techniques for cultivating inner peace and living in the present moment to anyone, but am especially excited about doing this in a prison environment where so many freedoms are eliminated and so much anxiety, stress, anger, and fear can exist. When I spent a week at Plum Village in France there was a sign outside my room that said "Be free where you are," and I really do beleive that when one is mindful and living in the present moment they can be free anywhere, even in the most unlikely of places like a prison. It has been an interesting challenge though to try and open prisoners up to the idea that they can be free within the confines of the prison, but like all my work here I am practicing patience and trusting that on God's time more will be open to the freedom and beauty found in the present moment. At the moment, if nothing else the individuals I work with can relax and let down their gaurd for an hour or so and be at peace, and if it helps just one person it is all worth it.

My work at the prison with the men has also been a good challenge in my call to love all my brothers as Christ. As I was walking out of my first meditation session with the men, which went very well and they seemed very receptive, Romano the psychologist told me that the majority of the men who I had just led meditation with were there on charges of sexual violation/assault. This new insight initially hit me right in the stomach and I was tempted to say well I don't want to work with these guys anymore. I feel a very strong sense of solidarity with all of my sisters and one of the realities that most angers me is sexual assault/violence/rape of women. I love working with women and feel a strong call to help bring about their liberation, but in that call I can't forget about the many men who also play a part in the prevention of our liberation and theirs. I am challenged to look deeply and remember a beautiful gatha that a dear friend and professor once taught me: "Just like me he doesn't want to suffer, just like me he wants to be loved." Yes, many of these men have done terrible things in their life and have destroyed other lives, but in this present moment, which is really all we have, we can smile at each other and see the presence of the one divine spirit that is in all of us and calls us back to community, to a better way of living. There aren't excuses for the past, but there is understanding to be found. And the beauty of the present moment is that is offers us everything completely fresh and new; there is infinite possibility. It truely is a miracle that inside a prison, surrounded by a group of men who I would be tempted to hate and condemn, I was able to realize peace and joy in the present moment, and hopefully some of them were able to realize this too. In this work, God is giving me hope in myself and in the greater power of the Spirit to awaken us all to a new and better way of life.

Hands

Your hands capture my attention
as they contain a world in and of themselves.
Old, cracked, wrinkly –
they tell a story of a life of hard work…
Cooking, cleaning, washing
from sun up
to sun down
these hands have given themselves
in the service and care of others
The muscles store memory
of how to chop the vegetables
how to stir the soup
how to wash the dishes, the clothes, the floors
how to sweep the dirt outside
that will inevitably find its way back in tomorrow.

Perhaps these hands have served with love,
or maybe from a sense of duty,
or maybe as a simple way to survive,
doing what needs to be done
day in and day out;
the work that everyone needs
but refuses to do –
your hands are strong
because they know what it takes to survive.

And now I sit amazed,
staring at these old hands
that are learning new tricks,
proving that it is never too late
to do something for yourself,
to empower yourself,
to take back a little control.

Hands that have held
babies, brushes, brooms,
forks, knives, and spoons
now learn how to hold
a pencil.
Such a simple instrument,
smaller than many you have worked with,
yet so foreign to one denied
the opportunity of education.
This small piece of wood and lead
is a key
to a whole new world
of words and power
knowledge and freedom.

Hands that have
chopped, stirred, washed, and swept
now learn how
to write.
A seemingly simple task,
but difficult for hands
that have been formed by years
of hard manual work.

So we start slowly.
I hold the pencil
and show you how,
then you try yourself.
Baby steps, back to the basics;
but you know patience and endurance
as it is imbedded in the very skin
that now surrounds your newest tool,
your newest challenge….
and so we breathe
and take another slow step.
Practicing writing
starting with simple shapes –
circles, arrows, triangles
to get used to connecting
the led to the paper
with the motions of the hand.

My hand over yours –
young and old have so much to absorb
from one another,
and I am profoundly and painfully
aware of my privilege –
the privilege of having smooth hands
that have been prevented from knowing
days full of cooking, cleaning, caring for others;
the privilege of having hands
that know how to hold a pencil,
and how to use that instrument
to write down
my own thoughts, desires,
hopes, fears…
All I can do is humbly offer
my own hands now
for the service of yours,
and hope that a few of your wrinkles
transfer to me,
so that I never forget
the pain or the privilege.

Two hands now
working together
we practice the strokes of the pencil.
And then you fill a page
of exercises by yourself,
often stopping to relax your hand
which is not accustomed
to this new task called writing.
Stretch the fingers
wiggle them around
in and out, in and out
roll your wrists
slow and stiff movements
working against years and years
of muscle memory.

And we continue on
to the vowels –
Aa Aa Aa Aa
capital and lower case
first you trace
a line that has been written
and then continue to fill
a page all your own.

What are you thinking
as you learn to write
one letter at a time,
to recognize and read
one letter at a time?
Do you think of the day
you will finally be able
to sign your name?
Do you imagine
being able to help your children
with their school work?
Do you think of all those thoughts
you would love to share
and have recorded?
Or maybe it’s the simple anticipation
of the freedom gained
in the power to write if you so desire.
With each letter
you learn to write
and to read.
Little by little,
you are opening the world
and yourself.

Ee Ee Ee Ee Ee
As our time comes to and end
and you finish your exercises for the day,
I stand in wonder and awe of your hands –
hands that today
have filled 3 pages with exercises,
hands that are learning
and finally serving you,
hands that refuse
to give up and give in,
but instead seek to add
a few more lines,
a few more wrinkles,
in new spots
from new tasks.

Today I saw the hands of God
using the most simple and basic of tools
in the early stages of creation,
the dawn just about to break over the horizon,
and offered gratitude
for the opportunity to be here
In the beginning…
and it was good.

Suffering exerpt

I read this the other day and found it powerful and insightful and wanted to share it since one of the motivations of walking with the people of Peru is the suffering I previously experienced in El Salvador and Central America which changed the way I walk forever.

A passage from The Simple Feeling of Being by Ken Wilber:

"Suffer, then, is the initial moment of the recognition of false boundaries. Correctly understood, it is therefore liberating, for it points beyond boundaries altogether. We suffer, then, not because we are sick, but because intelligent insight is emerging. ... For concealed within this basic unhappiness with life and existence is the embryo of a growing intelligence, a special intelligence usually buried under the immense weight of social shams. A person who is beginning to sense the suffer of life is, at the same time, beginning to awaken to deeper realities, truer realities. For suffering smashes to pieces the complacency of our normal fictions about reality and forces us to become alive in a special sense - to see carefully, to feel deeply, to touch ourselves and our worlds in ways we have heretofore avoided. It has been said, and truly I think, that suffering is the first grace." (pg. 73-74)