After El Salvador

After El Salvador (to pair with the previous post)

After El Salvador, I had the worst summer of my life.
... my boyfriend broke up with me.
... my Casa family was falling apart
... we were all a mess
... I cried a lot
... I was really angry
... I had a lot of questions
... part of me tried to forget and move on
... I felt alone, but in a different way than before
... I wanted to go back
... I had one of the most profound religious experiences of my life
... I changed my plans
... I stayed in school another year
... I studied theology and women's studies, and I loved it
... I dropped the Spanish major. I already knew I could speak and live it, so what did I need a title for?
... I found new communities and clung to them for dear life
... I found other friends who had been broken by Latin America
... I held a garage sale and tried to sell almost everything I owned
... I offended those who had gifted me beautiful presents by selling them for $1 or $5
... I got rid of my closet full of shoes
... I made a decision to only read non-fiction books to learn more about the world
... I felt guilty for abandoning my friends and family
... I didn't write like I said I would
... I thought about El Salvador every day in some small way
... I had a newly kindled fire inside of me
... I had a lot of questions.. I still have a lot of questions
... I started exploring the divine feminine, and found a lot of power in her, in me
... I was so acutely aware of language, especially the masculine language that dominated the Church
... I realized there was no such thing as a just war, but that maybe an armed revolution was sometimes the only choice left
... There were no black and white, easy answers
... I knew I could never love America, the country of my birth, again
... I was challenged to live out the radical hospitality and love I received, and I often fail
... I questioned everything people in power told me, especially politicians
... I still get angry
... I still cry when I think about my beloveds in El Salvador
... I still have a fire in my belly

Spiritual Reflections

Below are some of my favorite spiritual reflections from one of our sessions on prayer and communication with God. Enjoy!


BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM.
BE STILL AND KNOW.
BE STILL.
BE.
(Psalm 46:10)


Exodus 3:14 reveals the name God gives to Moses: I am who am. If you look at the verb tense, it is in the present. I am. God is, here and now. We know God when we live in the present moment, when we are in touch with the fullness of Now.


"Prayer, then, is not primarily saying words or thinking thoughts. It is rather a stance. It is a way of living in the Presence! It is a way of living in awareness of the Presence, of enjoying the Presence."
- this reminds me of 1 Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing"


An excerpt from Earthspirit by Michael Dowd:
"Humanity itself can be understood as the capacity of the planet for conscious awareness or reflexive thought. That is, the human enables Earth to reflect on itself and on the divine Mystery out of which it has come and in which it exists. ... We allow nature, for the first time, to begin to appreciate its own staggering beauty and feel its own magnificent splendor. We humans are the means by which Earth has freedom, choice, and spiritual awareness."


"To see the world in a grain of sand,
and heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of our hand,
And eternity in an hour."
- William Blake
(a great example of interbeing!)


Namaste