It occurred to me that I have yet to write a blog explaining that I will be ending my missionary experience in August... so for all of those who might not know I have decided to end my time as a missionary with IWM after a year of service. My contract officially ends July 31st, less than a month away, and my plane ticket back to the U.S. is August 16th. It's really hard to think about leaving Peru and all of the friends and family I have made here, but I believe that this is the best decision for me and what God is calling me to do.
Back in our retreat in March I spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection in how to understand and respond to the Spirit moving within me. What I feel very centered and confident in is that God is calling me to another vocation other than missionary. While all Christians are called to be a "missionary" people in their lived witness to the life and love of God and the teachings of Christ, the call to be a foreign missionary with the Incarnate Word Sisters is no longer for me. In the words of St. Francis, I hope to continue to "preach the gospel always, when necessary use words," just in a different setting with a different vocation.
One of the many important lessons I have learned is that where you are is the most important place to be, the person in front of you deserves all of your love and attention, and everything matters. If one is always thinking about somewhere else, or someone else, or looking to find the most desperate, the most deserving, she misses the gift and beauty of the moment and the presence of God in front of her. I have struggled with this a lot in recent years, always feeling like it's not enough, or it doesn't matter, or in trying to find someone from the future that I deem more in need or more deserving I ignore the person who is here and now. You don't have to be in a certain place to find God or to live a life of divine witness, but a lot of times a change in scenery helps introduce you to new faces of God, new mysteries and wisdoms, and develops new ways within yourself to participate in the divine life. And it's a beautiful but challenging experience to bring all of that back to your base communities of friends and family. As I am sad to leave Peru I am also excited to see friends and family and return to my community in St. Louis. We've all changed and had unique experiences and it is a gift as well as a challenge to constantly live and communicate who one is to those one loves and continue growing in understanding together. While having lived on a very tight budget with little in my bank account to rely on when I get back, I leave Peru a woman rich in experiences, friends, a bit of wisdom, a multitude of gratitude, and a heavy but open heart ready for what each new footstep of the journey might bring.
paz y amor siempre
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